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Chapter 21 – Bitterness

“You sure it’s okay for me to be moving in with you for this long?” asked a brunette haired boy who was stuffing clean clothes into a large black overnight bag.

“Yeah it’s no problem,” replied the blonde as he walked around the small dorm room, looking for anything they might have missed. “I’m just worried about you and I think it’s best if you stay with me and Axel for a while.”

“If you say so…” murmured Sora as he stopped what he was doing, his eyes looking down at the bag sadly.

Roxas looking at his best friend, feeling sad and hurt for him. It had been a whole week since the accident and Riku had taken up permanent residence in the hospital. But ever since then, Roxas had to watch his friend spiral downwards. And the very thought scared him most. It was actually Axel’s idea that Sora should stay with them after they left the hospital. Sora needs a friend to be there for him and needs to be watched over just in case things go wrong, was what Axel had told Roxas before mentioning the idea. So then Sora just stayed with Roxas and Axel in Axel’s apartment for the past week and they were now back in Sora’s dorm to collect more of his things.

But Sora was getting better and actually left his room that he shared with Roxas to eat. Though every now and then Sora breaks down into sobs and mostly ties up his time on the computer doing gosh knows what. He just says he’s “Focusing his thoughts on something productive like homework and research.”  But whatever it was, it seemed to bring the normal happy Sora back.

“You think you’ve gotten everything for another week?” asked Roxas as he sat on the bed next to Sora.

“Yeah I think so,” he murmured back, his head tilting to the side to rest on the blonde’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for being an inconvenience for you and Axel.”

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“Don’t be stupid Sora!” exclaimed Roxas as he wrapped an arm around the brunette’s shoulders. “You’ll never be an inconvenience to me. You’re my best friend. Everything will be alright. You’ll see”

“I hope so,” he replied in such a soft voice that not even Sora himself could hear.

Then, tears started rolling down his cheeks and he clung tightly to Roxas’ side.

“Can we go to the hospital on our way back to your place?” asked Sora.

“Of course,” said Roxas as he petted the wild brown spikes on Sora’s head, though deep down Roxas didn’t want Sora to go see Riku. It was only a reminder of Sora’s misery.

“Okay I’m ready to go,” said Sora as he pulled himself away from Roxas and picking up the overnight bag. “I left your address for my room mate so he can send me any of my mail and what not.”

“Alright,” murmured Roxas as he picked up the keys to Sora’s car and walked out the door with Sora.

The whole time Roxas drove to the hospital, Sora was completely silent.

The hospital came into view, big, white, and block-looking. The sight was almost haunting and made Roxas feel uneasy. He glanced over at Sora that was staring up at it with distant eyes.

“I don’t even know why I actually said yes,” murmured Sora softly as he looked down at his lips, his fingers twisting into the hem of his dark blue shorts.

“What do you mean?” asked Roxas as he turned to look at Sora with a worried yet curious look on his face.

“I don’t know why I even agreed to give him a chance,” repeated Sora as he kept looking down at his lap. “I mean I’m not like that…into guys and all. At least…I don’t think I am…”

Roxas was hesitant but reached a hand out and rested it on Sora’s shoulder in comfort; the coffee haired boy seemed to ease at the other’s touch.

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“Were you the same way with Axel?” asked Sora as he turned his head to look at Roxas.

“Sort of,” murmured Roxas. “I mean, I used to hate him remember? I thought I liked girls. Since Naminé and all but…it’s only him. Axel just…makes me feel like someone. Like I’m important and he reminds me that I am everyday. In a way…he saved me.”

He smiled softly, hoping his words at least did some help for his best friend.

Sora looked back down at his lap, taking it all in.

“Maybe…what I felt was just a lie. I was angry at the time. I just wanted to get back at Kairi for cheating on me. I though that Riku and I related since he was mad about it too and he actually thought I was ‘cute’,” said Sora in a soft voice, his eyes half closed as he poured out his thoughts to the other teen. “He kissed me and I thought my chest was going to explode. He made me feel…special. Maybe that’s why I wanted to give him a chance. To give myself a chance. And look where it all ended up.”

The last sentence came out with bitterness dripping in the tone. Roxas knew Sora was blaming himself again for what happened. But Roxas had an idea of it all. Sora had always loved getting attention since he didn’t get very much as a child. His parents were divorced and both worked two jobs so Sora was alone all the time. Roxas had lived across town at the time so he couldn’t stay with Sora on one of those nights.

“I already knew my relationship with Kairi was going under,” muttered Sora in a dark tone Roxas had only heard a handful of times only when Sora was most mad. “I just latched on to the closet thing that might actual care about me and just dragged him down with me…”

“Don’t talk like that Sora!” exclaimed Roxas as he took hold of both Sora’s shoulder firmly and gave him a slight shake. “It’s not your fault! If Riku was here he’d say that he didn’t want you to blame yourself for something that no one could even prevent.”

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“That’s the point Roxas!” shouted Sora as he looked at the blond with tear filled eyes. “Riku’s not here! He’s never coming back and it’s my entire fault! He tried to tell me but I was so angry that I didn’t listen. I couldn’t stop it and now Riku’s…”

He cracked, breaking into heavy sobs.

“Now I’ll never know what his favorite color is. Or-or what h-he likes to eat late at night…” sobbed Sora. “N-Now I’ll nev-er know!”

Sora had such a good heart but, Roxas didn’t know how much his heart could take for much longer.

But Sora was right. He will never have the chance to find out things about Riku like most couples could have. Roxas almost felt guilty since he had almost forever to find the little things out about Axel.

There was nothing Roxas could say now that will make Sora’s pain ease. He could only pull his friend into a hug until the trembling of his body turned to light shaking.

Minutes passed and they were making their way down the long hall of the hospital. It felt like they were in some horror movie, just walking to their deaths.

There was a falter in Sora’s steps and Roxas gripped the brunette’s hand firmly for reassurance as the reached the door that held Riku on the other side.

“I don’t know if I can do this…” murmured Sora softly as he cowered at Roxas’ side like a frightened kitten.

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Roxas wrapped an arm around Sora, murmured words of encouragement before pushing the solid white door. The two teens walked into the square room that had a small handful of people. People Sora recognized as Riku’s friends he had seen at the party.

“Oh, Riku,” sobbed the blond girl whose name was Alice. “He’s so ugly. How could this have happened to him?”

The man with the accent put an arm around her shoulders.

“There, there, Love,” he crooned softly. “Nothing can be done. Don’t fret.”

Roxas glanced as he felt Sora tense at his side. He was worried and so was Roxas. What if these people have a negative reaction to Sora, knowing Riku was the one that went after him and had gotten hit by that car.

They moved closer and they could see a red haired girl sitting at the edge of Riku’s bed, murmuring to the doctor that stood beside her.

A black haired man blinked at Sora and Roxas enter and he nudged the tan haired man with the goatee.

“What is it Al?” asked the man in a slightly irritated voice before his sight caught the two who just entered.

“It’s you!” exclaimed Alice in a cracked shrill voice as he pointed a finger at Sora.

Before Roxas could react, she came running at them, right for Sora. His heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second but as he came upon them; she took Sora into a tight embrace.

“Forgive us, I beg you,” whimpered the blond as she held Sora. “Riku was an ass to you because we forced him into it.”

Sora was startled but regained his senses and rested a hand on the girl’s shoulder, his eyes rimming with tears as a bitter pain stabbed at his chest.

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“Alice you’re frightening the poor thing,” murmured Ariel gently as she placed a hand gently on the flaxen haired girl’s shoulder, drawing her away from Sora.

“Oh, we’re so sorry,” sniffled Alice as she wiped her wet cheeks with her fingers. “Riku’s a nice guy, he really is. He never shut up about you and we were giving him a hard time about it.”

“Alice, dear, calm down,” spoke the girl with the fire red hair soothingly, her hand rubbing Alice’s shoulder.

“What does she mean?” asked Sora in a soft voice as he looked at the crying girl, the pain in his chest suffocating him. “All Riku wanted was…” He trailed off, not knowing if he had the strength to continue.

“Oh, but you’re wrong dear. We were all at lunch,” began Ariel in a kind gentle voice. “You were talking with Kairi and your blond friend there and Riku couldn’t take his eyes off you. He’s dated other girls and guys before but he just kept on insisting that you were special and he wanted to have you all to himself. Trust me; he’s liked you for a long time. You were the cutest thing he’d ever seen, he told us. He was a cocky bastard yes, but he’s not some Casanova that just sleeps willy-nilly with everyone that falls for his charm.”

“We just thought you should at least know that of Riku,” said the man with the close cropped hair and pierced ears as he came up beside Alice.

Sora even noticed he had a tattoo of fanned playing cards on his upper forearm.

“I…understand,” murmured Sora as he cast his gaze down, his hand gripping Roxas’ sleeves. Somehow he felt at ease yet more regretful at the same time.  “Thank you.”

~To be Continued…

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